The Hard Questions…

There are often times in which I find myself pondering how I will answer the difficult questions that come from a child that is raised in a single parent home. You know them…”Do I have a dad? Where is he? Why isn’t he here if he loves me? Does he love me? How do I shave my face? And on and on and on…” You see, I am a planner. I should note that I have come leaps and bounds from the obsessive planner I once was. The Lord rocked my perfectly planned life and a paradigm shifted. I realized that the amount of effort I was putting into carefully articulating how I envisioned my life to be, actually disabled the Lord from having His way in my life. I even planned Him in…consequentially squeezing Him out.
This last year I have been very specific with the nature of planning that I allow myself to enjoy. Mostly this includes parties, events, nights out, and a lot of Pinterest boards! I love it and it brings me great satisfaction to see an idea birthed into a beautiful moment in time that people will remember. It really makes my soul happy! The other piece of planning that I have taken root in, is how I will answer the questions I mentioned earlier. My heart is not to degrade someone, my heart is to protect my son. My desire is that I will be prepared when the time comes. Recently these questions have surfaced more than I was anticipating from the world of my sweet little (soon to be) four year old.
I was asked to make a board for his school, as he was Student of the Week. As I gleamed with pride over my amazing child (totally biased, I know), the reality hit me that this was going to be one of those hard moments. I asked him what pictures he wanted on his board and he proudly informed me of all the people he would like to see. There was a noticeable absence (in my eyes), but as I crafted the heck out of this board I realized that to my son, he does not notice the absence one bit. He is loved more than some children with two parents in the home. He has “family” that treat him as one of their own. He has male role models in his life that show Christ’s love to him. I found myself emotional and so grateful for the people that he chose to have on his board to represent his “family.” You see, my son knows a different definition of family…it has nothing to do with matching DNA. To his precious little heart family is about love, it is about caring for one another! He didn’t have to explain to his class mates that there was an absence in his pictures because in actuality, there was an abundance.
Fast forward a week or two…I come face to face with the dreaded question. Only it wasn’t my son that brought it up…here’s how it happened. J had two friends over. I was talking about something (for the life of me I cannot remember what it was), and I said something about Mommies and Daddies. His little friend says, “But he doesn’t have a daddy!” My heart sank…I ached for my child. Without hesitation J responded, “Yes I do!” And the two went back and forth a few times about it. So I said, “Well, what is a daddy?” They both looked at me…it seemed ike a fair question, but neither could answer. I explained to the two of them that a daddy is a man that loves you, he cares for you, he provides for you, and he protects you. Without missing a beat…J says, “Gramps!!! See! I told you I have a daddy!” And they went on to play as if nothing happened.
My heart has been mulling this over for the last few days. I talked to him about it again today. I asked him if he remembers what we talked about and he said yes. When I asked him what he thought, he started naming off men in his life that fulfill that role. Thinking about it again brings tears to my eyes. As the list kept going I couldn’t help but think, there is no absence from J’s life that is too big for the Lord to fill. His cup actually runs over! You see, he really does know a different definition of family and daddy, because that is what the Lord has provided him. His little body holds his little heart…and that little heart knows enough love to last him for eternity. Praise God for filling what could have been a void, with more than we ever could have imagined.


2 thoughts on “The Hard Questions…

  1. Pingback: The Hard Questions… « Chris Yeager Writes Blog

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